I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
