talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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