dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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