so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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