I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
