We're like a lot better than the average bears
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Congratulations! We have a period
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