I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize