Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
