then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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