I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
