You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
