i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
