You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
