I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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