I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
