My hand turned me down
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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