nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize