According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
