I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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