First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
