I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
