Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
