it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
