Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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