her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
