I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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