I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
