i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm passing your future prison.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
