i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
