bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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