So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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