Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
