Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
