accomplished twins. life is a go
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
