The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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