I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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