I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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