bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize