i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
