You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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