Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
