things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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