Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
