The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
