I'm gonna have a badass scar
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
