people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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