3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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