come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
