as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
