She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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