Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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