just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
