I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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