she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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