and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
