shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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