i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
FUCK WHALES
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
