I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
