I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
