i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
