are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
