he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize