I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
