You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
