WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
