your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
