no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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