using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
