I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i now understand why vodka
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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