this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
