We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
