You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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