careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
