I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
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