i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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