Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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