I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
