I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
