You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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