if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
