We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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