she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
