The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
