His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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