Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
