before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
