i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
