This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize